By Sarah Hocking
I became legally blind suddenly in July 2015, nine days after the birth of my first son Archer. Suddenly I was experiencing life in a darker world. I had to sort myself out and become independent quickly so I could be the primary carer for our newborn son. Having a newborn baby gave me a reason to put one foot in front of the other and get out of bed every single day.
My condition is called optic atrophy. It is caused by my blood supply being constricted by the growth of two benign brain tumours called Meningiomas. Brain surgery took place to remove the tumours to save any vision I had left (I have written a blog post describing my vision, you can read it here: http://www.blindintuition.com/so-how-much-can-you-really-see/)
Sudden vision loss changed my life and I struggled to find balance with my mental health at times, but in the three years since I have found strategies that help me cope and thrive.
Grief
I went through an intense grieving process in the beginning. Though grief is something that has never really gone away. I had some really horrible days in the beginning where I was wailing on the floor. Having panic attacks when I couldn’t find what I needed or when I felt like I was a terrible mother. I felt angry because I was 28 years old and the thought of living a lot of years in a darkened world scared me. It probably took 12 months before I accepted my vision loss. I still get upset some days, especially when it involves my children and I miss something. However these days happen less often now.
Frustration
I get frustrated a lot. Especially when I bump into things and people or I tread on my children’s little fingers or toes. I have a short fuse and have to compose myself. Sometimes my family might cop it if I hurt myself on a toy left lying around, but I am learning to manage this better every day.
Anxiety
In regards to my vision loss I get anxious about being late and going to new places or environments for the first time on my own with the children. I always arrive early to where I need to be. Having to rely on others to get me where I need to go is really hard. I am constantly checking and rechecking information to make sure I turn up at the right place. I am always well prepared with the kids so I am not panicking when I am out.
How I manage my mental health
1. Counselling
I regularly see a psychologist when I am going through rough periods of anxiety and frustration. Finding someone I have clicked with has helped immensely. It took a few goes before I found the right person. Learning strategies to manage my mental health and putting them into practice has not only helped me, but my relationships with my family and friends.
2. Creativity
I love getting creative. I have found creativity through writing on my blog which is a bit of an outlet for me to process my vision loss, and to help others by sharing my experience. I also love taking photos of my family. I use a DSLR camera to take high quality photographs and these enable me to zoom in on my children on my iPad and see their faces and changes as they grow.
3. Exercise
I exercise regularly whether it is in our home gym, going for a run or going to a class. I find exercise really levels out my mental health out and improves my mood, particularly when I am frustrated.
I hope by sharing my experience of vision loss and mental health helps people going through a similar experience. You are not alone and there are strategies that you can put in place to improve your outlook on your situation and life.
Please note: This is my account of my experience only with vision loss and mental health. Not all experiences are the same. If you are struggling with your mental health please seek out professional help from a counsellor or psychologist or call Lifeline on: 131 114
You can read more from Sarah Hocking on her blog Blind Intuition